Creative Response to Revelator

Extension of Revelator

Keldon watched as scenery flew by. He hoped the bus would take him somewhere far away, keeping him safe if at least just for now. The bus was following the river. He knew this river, Andes River it was known as. Noting the current direction, he was able to figure that he was heading north, more or less. He also knew where the river led; if the bus continued to follow it he would end up in the suburbs of the city and eventually the outskirts. The bus didn’t stop frequently, and before he knew it the buildings became far and few between. Perfect, he thought. He needs to keep hiding.

The bus had stopped momentarily. Keldon contemplated his next move. Surely Croft and Erica would not answer phone calls from him. They want nothing to do with the crime. He could still feel the grip of the Ruger, as if he were still holding it in his hands. Focus he told himself. Focus on the task at hand.

“Mind if I sit here?”

It was Erica. Keldon was dumbfounded. She sat down.

“We trailed you to the bus stop. Thought it would be less suspicious if we got on the bus at a later stop. Don’t forget you still owe my dad. $5,000”

“I have it right here.”

“How’d you manage that?”

“Let’s focus on getting back to your dad. The rest isn’t important right now.”

“I heard gunshots. Don’t tell me that is not important! What happened?”

“Quiet. I’ll explain later. In private.”

He was afraid he’d feel her fist once more across his face. Nothing. What Croft said must’ve stuck with her; no marks. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes.

“Where should we go?”

“You tell me, you’re the fugitive.”

“A motel? I need time to get my shit together. And we could use a safe place for Croft to meet us.”

“OK.”

The bus was due to turn around soon, he thought. He wasn’t really sure where it was going, actually. Before he knew it he lost track of the Andes. He was lost, but not far from home. Now seemed like a good time to get off. Signs of civilization remained; some small local businesses that he assumed were occupied, but not many people coming and going. Not exactly prime real estate. It was quiet. Erica followed him off the bus.

“What happened?”

“They’re dead. Both of them.”

Erica was silent once more. They walked awhile before seeing an Express Inn in the distance. It was a little beat up, certainly no Ritz-Carlton but it would serve its purpose. Keldon pointed at it the moment he saw it.

“Call your dad. We’re staying there tonight.”

They booked a room for two. Keldon didn’t want to draw suspicion, so he made sure to act like her boyfriend as convincingly as he knew how. He had room 243. They went up the cold concrete stairs to the second floor and found their room. The numbers seemed ominous. Huge numbers staring back at him, daring him. Keldon breathed an audible sigh as they locked the door behind him.

“My dad is coming.”

They waited awhile. Keldon did not want to discuss any details until Croft was there. The wait for him felt like an eternity, and the whole time he contemplated the feeling of Erica’s fist and the feeling of the gun in his hand. The first made him angry, and the second made him feel powerful, but also scared of that power. He realized he forgot to put the safety back on the Ruger after the shooting. He didn’t want to hurt himself so he carefully removed the gun from his waist band and put the safety lock on. Croft walked in.

“What the fuck?!”

“Hi.”

“What the fuck happened back there? I just needed the money, I didn’t need you to kill them!”

Keldon sat down and explained his story. Croft didn’t agree with his decisions, but nonetheless moved on realizing that it’s too late to go back now. He also realized that with blood on Keldon’s hand, the operation was too risky. Sure if they pulled it off, there was no way they could be caught. But if they happened to get caught before then, it was all over for them. No, it had to be called off. Croft just wasn’t willing to risk it. Keldon wasn’t happy with the decision, he couldn’t live a fugitive. He wanted to be clean again, but he didn’t know how.

“So how much did you end up with?” Croft asked.

“Not sure.”

Keldon pulled his pockets out of his pants, and wads of cash began to spill out. Ones, fives, tens, and twenties. Sure there were a lot, but they wanted to focus on the bigger denominations. They sorted as much as they could, and figured they had about $16,000 plus several hundred dollars in various smaller bills. They spent fourty-seven dollars for the night in the room.

“Give me the Ruger.”

“Why?” Keldon asked.

“Because it is mine. And I don’t want anyone else to get hurt.”

Fair enough, Keldon thought. He slipped the gun from his waist band and handed it to Croft, holding the gun by the barrel. Click click. Without missing a beat, Keldon twisted the gun out of Croft’s hand; his grip was weak and he forgot to check the safety. Erica’s cowardice got the best of her. She fled, she did not want to be linked to any other deaths. Keldon knew what just happened and knew what he had to do. He tried to kick Croft to the ground but he only fell backwards a few steps. Only now Keldon had the Ruger, and he took the safety off. He fired two shots and Croft dropped to the floor. He couldn’t react fast enough to save his life.

It made sense to Keldon. Why Croft wanted to kill him. The plan went to shit and the money was the only positive outcome. Keldon was a fugitive and Croft did not want to be linked to him. But he didn’t have time to contemplate that now. He grabbed as much cash as he could and took the wallet and keys from Croft’s pants pocket. He realized Erica was gone, but doesn’t remember her leaving. Time seemed to be slowing down. It was as if every step he took was being judged meticulously. He ran to Croft’s truck while thinking about his father. How would he feel if he knew what he had become? He probably wouldn’t feel anything, Keldon thought. Or he’d pretend not to. It was all his fault, after all.

Explanation of Choices

                Continuing a story, while consciously thinking of the voice of the author, was something I never had to do before. The most important thing that I initially noticed is that although the story is written in the third person, the narrator knows the thoughts of Keldon and no one else. This gives a clear focus of Keldon as the protagonist. I tried to separate the narrator from the character, which can get confusing when the narrator knows so much about him.

                I noticed the story used a fair amount of dialogue, and tried to incorporate a similar style in my new ending. The characters were always brief when they had something to say, and this played into my style of writing. They said only what needed to be said and nothing more, and it was an integral part in developing the plot in the original story as well as my extended ending. It was also obvious in the story that there was a lot of tension, usually expressed by choice profanities, although not frequently. I tried to follow this also, matching characters as best as I could with what the author intended.

 Keldon developed rather quickly in my alternate ending, which I would attribute to how he killed the two men in the pawn shop. At first, he took a punch from Erica and didn’t even react, as if he were too much of a wimp. After killing the men in the pawn shop, he was no longer afraid to hurt somebody. This showed when he killed Croft in the end. Suddenly he was not afraid of what he was, and after killing Croft he began to embrace it.

I chose to end it rather quickly, however I think it was necessary to prevent my extension from becoming another story on its own. Admittedly I think it ended rather abruptly and with moments of very quick but very intense action. Keldon had grown into his new image by the end, and the protagonist lives on. I did this to keep a sense of mystery as to what happens next, which the author did. The author also left out a key detail which I felt should’ve also been left out: What did they want to do with the $5,000? A good story can be told while leaving some big details extremely ambiguous, and I tried to follow the author’s direction on this.

Overall I feel I made the right choices in order to keep this story in the voice of the author. It was admittedly a difficult task for me but I’m happy with the result.